🌟One of the most impactful things I heard from a loved one a few years ago, during a rather serious discussion was:
“Don’t go out of your way to comfort me, or put my needs above yours. Consider your needs first. I know you love me and care about me. And I am fine. I am an adult. I can deal with a ‘No’ well. My confidence does not depend on any outside validation. I am confident and content within.”
💡 (Yes, a light bulb moment!) Being a recovering people-pleaser, I remember feeling flabbergasted by these comments, as I was not expecting such a response at all.
I also remember being filled with admiration and appreciation.
💡 To remain self-assured, fully self-acceptant and content on the inside, without depending on constant outside validation that is continuously imposed on us by the system… What a great achievement for any individual! And what a great example of wisdom and maturity.
🌞 Confidence within, to me represents our 'internal sun'. The 'serene self-assuredness' that lies inside of us. (Hence the photo taken by me couple of months ago 🙂)
So what are the ways of developing your inner confidence?
There are many, but here are my Top 7!
Determine your ‘Why?’ Yes, be clear about your ‘purpose’. For many of us ‘our why’ or our purpose is likely to change every couple of years. But for now, decide ‘what’ makes you jump out of bed with joy every morning and start anew. Connect everything you do in your life to the joy stemming from your purpose as much as you can.
Know and ‘own’ your strengths and skills. Identify, use and enjoy your strengths, skills and experience. You are unique and talented in the ways that are specific to you. Get 360 feedback from a variety of people that you know- from friends to colleagues. You can find strengths, skills and character tests online. You can also work with a coach to identify and reflect on your skills. No matter how you go about this, make sure you own, use and enjoy your unique talents.
Keep the promises you make to yourself like there is no tomorrow. One of the main things that kills the inner confidence is making promises to yourself about taking positive action or starting a new habit and not following through. Feeling let down by yourself crashes your inner confidence. So, make sure you set realistic and value-aligned goals that inspire you and keep to them. Always. Breaking goals down and starting small can also help with following through with your decisions.
Manage your time wisely. Connected to setting conscious goals is managing your time, energy and wellbeing around them. Whether it is work, family, social life or your wellbeing, knowing you are spending time structured around your goals, connected to your purpose will increase your inner confidence.
Replace your self-limiting beliefs with empowering and helpful ones. Be aware of the amount of times you repeat unhelpful thoughts and feelings in the day like a broken record. Catch yourself, and note down how you are blocking yourself by automatic, habitually repeated negativity. Decide what you would like to say to yourself instead, based on real life evidence you have. “I am not good at networking” vs “There are always people I can connect with, inspire and be inspired by when networking.” Can you ‘feel’ the difference between those statements? Once again, working with a coach on your limiting beliefs can hugely accelerate you developing your inner confidence further.
Recognise and celebrate your wins. Big or small- milestones are important to acknowledge. When you keep your promises to yourself, when you get the results you want, when you feel fulfilled as a result of taking consistent action, it is important that you pause, celebrate and enjoy your wins. This will help you switch to a balanced way of thinking hence enhance your confidence within, rather than being predominantly critical of yourself.
Only get advice from people who embody all the above themselves. It goes without saying that as humans we naturally emulate the behaviours we keep on observing and experiencing around us. It makes a huge difference to have value, purpose and goal aligned people in our immediate circles. So, make sure you have a few people in your inner circle who are grounded and exude inner confidence. Although we may have to be in certain groups, sometimes out of necessity or duty, only take advice about confidence and wellbeing from people who have mastered their inner confidence.
🌟Your inner power, including your unshakable confidence within, is your biggest ally. Remember that!